Understanding the Voices of Nursing Home Residents

Dear Nursing Home and Caregivers.

I don’t mean to be difficult. Please look at me and see that I was once young and full of life, just like you. I don’t mean to be difficult; I understand you have to do things a certain way. But please remember that when I lived alone, I also had my own way of doing things. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

I don’t mean to be difficult, but when you wake me up early in the morning because of your schedule I may be unhappy, maybe I’m just not an early riser. Maybe I’ve spent most of my life working night shifts, and I am not a morning person. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

 I don’t mean to be difficult. However, when you force me to get dressed and sit in a wheelchair for most of the day, surrounded by other clients, so everyone can see the drool running down my mouth and my head bent to my chest, you have taken away my dignity. Maybe I choose to stay in my room and watch TV alone because that is what I have always enjoyed. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

I don’t mean to be difficult. However, when you force me to do things I’d rather not do, I might become upset and say or do things I don’t like. As I age, I may not be able to express myself as I once did. I am not trying to be difficult; my body may not be what it used to be, but in my mind, I still remember who I was. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

I don’t mean to be difficult, but when you force me to eat at your preferred time and food I don’t like, it becomes an issue. Please remember that I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I wasn’t forced to eat early in the morning or to have dinner before sunset. I had the freedom to choose what I ate, how I liked it, and when I wanted to eat. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

I don’t mean to be difficult. I am not trying to be confrontational; I am just trying to be myself. I am trying to navigate life as it is now. I am surrounded by strangers and in a place I don’t call home. Fear might take over me because of the obstacles you’ve put in my path. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

I don’t want to be difficult, but when you take away all my personal belongings and leave me with only a few pieces of clothing, it breaks my heart. Those items held cherished memories I can no longer keep because of your rules and regulations. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

I don’t mean to be difficult. You don’t see who I am or who I used to be. To me, it feels like a duty, something to check off your to-do list. Try to see me through my eyes. Look at me and remember that I once had a different life.

Sincerely,

A daughter who has witnessed this.

WE NEED TO DO BETTER THAN THIS.